Thursday, December 31, 2009

Um Manaf's Anger Management Theory

Firstly, shakliyan I look like the calmest person in the world. My face kella innocence and biroood...bes in reality, I swear like a sailor, punch things I don't like, and get annoyed at pretty much everything.

So ams as I tossed and turned in bed, once again angry at a certain human being who has the same level of intelligence as a newly born retarded monkey, I thought of a new way to release my anger.

Here is the fool-proof Um Manaf Anger Management Theory, guaranteed to calm you down in any situation:

Step 1: Enter the nearest empty room and start swearing out loud at the person. Do not limit yourself to one language as it has been scientifically proven that a swear word repeated in more than one language is more effective. In case you run out of swear words feel free to create some of your own.

Step 2: Find the nearest wall, face it, and press your forehead against it as you slide down to your knees screaming "DEAR GOD, WHYYY!!" Once you are on your knees, dramatically smack the wall with your hands. If you hurt your hand, pretend your fine and move on. There's no room for sissy's in Um Manaf's Anger Management Theory.

Step 3: Grab your shoes and storm out, once your in your car speed down El-Khaleej and take your anger out on the road like a man! (Note: The last thing you want when your upset is a speeding ticket so refrain from driving more than 60km/h, and instead make engine sounds with your mouth and imagine your driving 200km/h. If you find yourself in need of making a turn...don't signal until the last possible second..let people know who's boss! Oh and don't forget to make tag7ee9 sounds as you turn.)

Step 4: Call the person your angry at and laugh hysterically. When they hang up call back and cry.

Step 5: In case the anger gets too unbearable and you start considering suicide please be creative about how you choose to leave this world. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Drink 17 Redbull's consecutively and try to out-run cars in the street.
  • Try jumping from roof to roof Spiderman-style in 9 inch heels, men should wear dishdasha's for this one. (Don't forget to flick your wrists while you jump).
  • Watch Benjamin Button from beginning to end.
  • Scratch that...just watch the first 30 mins of Benjamin Button anything more than that constitutes as Cruel and Unusual Punishment.

ps: yalla baroo7 asawii my essay.. i've successfully finished 20 words out of 2,500... well actually 15 words if you don't count my name and date...and 11 words if you don't count the title.
pps: love u !


DM said...

"Call the person your angry at and laugh hysterically. When they hang up call back and cry. "

ROFLMAO. Haha, like one's unsure about his/ her emotions.

LOL, just keep 'em coming.

tigerlilly said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA! I might die laughing LOL I think instead, when I'm that pissed off, I'll just read this post again :p

mrayty said...

God i missed you and your wacko sense of humor!

its good to have you back =D

xtc said...

Hilarious!!! But that's SO how I deal with anger tooooo!!!!!! LOOOOOOOOL funnyyy :$

Yooy said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. omg that made me laugh so fucking much. i have anger problems, serious anger problems. next time i get annoyed by something or someone i'll try your oh-so-famous method :)

Khalid said...

liked ur blog!

Standy said...


omg looool.. e7im, the office thinks i am crazy looool....

good luck with the remaining 2489 words ;)

Um-Manaf said...

DM: lol

tigerlilly: if only reading this post again would calm the rage inside of me :

mrayty: aww! i'm glad to be back as well

xtc: so we have something in common ha ;p

Yooy: btw i'm not responsible for any harm or damage that may happen while trying my method okay.

Khalid: glad you did :)

Standy: affaa 3alaich 9araw 2482 words! I've been working hard ;)

Um Loai said...


Amazing. I <3 your sense of humor!

Anonymous said...

Nawaaaaaaaar el blogging world!!
Shhal '3aiba um manaf alah yahdeech!
Kshtat fena w jabalat hal rayel ;p( bainy w bainich a7san ma sawaitay :p) Yalaah minah el mal w minich el3yaal ;)!
Bas 9ara7a afra7teeena eb raj3tech walah ;*
W keep the posts coming mo faj2a sina ma nsma3 minich shay :)!