tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86624340408555539302024-03-20T14:08:40.646+03:00Um ManafUm-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.comBlogger96125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-78119547883629047172010-10-08T13:46:00.002+03:002010-10-08T14:02:34.906+03:00My Professor, Formerly Known as the Racist<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Tathkiroon mara geltlikom 3an a professor I had eli kan 7ada racist? Well this semester I'm taking another class with him o honestly I could dedicate an entire blog to him o swalfa! </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">For example, he talks wayed okay? O his english is terrible el maskeen ma3ana he's supposed to be fluent in it. Anyway apparently there were a lot of complaints about him talking in Arabic during lectures fa he decided to address this issue last week, during his first class of the semester. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Beginning of class: </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Hello, my name is Dr. Flan al Flani, some of you may know me...now before we start I must tell you something that is very important. You see this is a high-level course which means we cannot do like before...always talking in arabic...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Ten minutes later: </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">So you see, what i'm trying to say is we must all try to speak in English. It is for everyone's benefit...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Thirteen minutes later: </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">...but of course if there is one word maybe you don't know how to say in English then of course we will help you and tell you the word in Arabic...but mostly we must speak english. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Seven more minutes later: </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Anyway, I think now you all understand about the requirement for this class. Enzain yalla khal nabdi.. ana awal shay bagool attendance o ba3dain bawareekom el kitab eli lazim tishtiroona, hal kitab wayed zain ana el 9ara7a ka Diktor wayed a7eba..</span><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center; font-style: italic; font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Mu min sijjaaaaaa...!!<br />O 6ool el mu7athara ga3ad esolif bel 3araby o el9af kella ma gal one word in english!<br /></div><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"> </span><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">On to another topic....ga3adt min elnoom meshtahya CHABDAAAA... </span><br /><div style="text-align: center; font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="font-style: italic;">way3 9a7? </span><br /></div><div style="text-align: center; font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="font-style: italic;">kelish mu feminine 9ayra Um Manaf .. </span><br /></div><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">A9lan min kither ma I was craving it re7t 7ag Hubby wihwa nayem o I shook him awake o lama maskeen ga3ad ekhtara3 shwaya (cuz kent lazga wayhi in his face) chan egooli "shfeech shfeech?!"</span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">chan a6al3a ib daloo3a eyes wagooola "aby chabda" </span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">O now, three and a half hours and two home-made cheddar cheese sandwhichs later, baroo7 my favorite ma63am for some chabdaaaa ;p </span>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-5782032831103444082010-10-02T13:29:00.003+03:002010-10-02T13:37:47.914+03:00Religious Conversation at the Lunch Table<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" >So yesterday, the entire family is gathered at the lunch table enjoying a lovely dish of gaboo6 when the light conversation took a deep and religious turn...one that dear Hubby was not prepared for...it went something like this: </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" >Sister:</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" > tadroon ena belail lama tnamoon your soul gets taken up to heaven by Zakhrafees</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" >Aunt: </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" >Mnu Zakhrafees?</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" >Mama:</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" > she means Hafees</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" >Aunt: </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" >Hafees mu sha3er qadeem?</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" >Dad </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;">(just joining the conversation)</span></span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" >:</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" > wain eroo7oon our souls?!</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" >Sister:</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" > Foog 3ind Zakhrafees o Hafees</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" >Dad:</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" > laish?</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" >Sister</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" > </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;">(trying to be funny)</span></span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" >:</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" > 3ashan yeshriboon gahwa weridoon</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" >Hubby</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" > </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;">(staring intently at plate, head down)</span></span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" >:</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:arial;" > estaghfer Allah, estaghfer Allah...</span>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-588602555286408572010-09-29T23:13:00.002+03:002010-09-29T23:40:23.456+03:00Tragedy Strikes Um Manaf<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">I have betrayed my readers. I have committed the ultimate sin in Blogostianity-aism, I have failed to maintain a steady posting habit. Bes lama t3arfoon why, I'm sure you'll understand...or at least if you decide not to understand, then for the sake of all our lovely memories, politely but firmly hit the X button on the upper right side of your screen and forever more speak no ill of me. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">So now, on to my tragedy. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">For the past few months I found myself staring at this screen, this dusty, chocolate-stained, screen hopelessly trying to write. But something won't let me; or should I say </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">someone</span><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Someone who has completely taken over my life, and has brought with it such shocking and tragic news that I found myself paralyzed at the fingers, not knowing what to type.. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Bes before I introduce you to that someone lazim agoolikom how I got to meet this someone. It was four months ago, in a bathroom far far away ... (to be exact, the one in my parents house) where the blogger you know as </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Um Manaf</span><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"> discovered a secret. This secret came in the form of a positive sign on the end of a peeing stick. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">But the tragedy isn't that Um Manaf got knocked up but it is that after hours and hours of crying (mostly by my mom after realizing she's officially joining the grandma club) and lots and lots of shopping (again by my mom for anti-wrinkle and aging cream) I sat with dearest hubby to pick names...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">And when I suggested Manaf ... the unexpected happened. He .... </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">he</span><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"> .... politely shook his head and said NO!!!!!!!!! </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">My legacy!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">The minutes of my life that I dedicated to this blog...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">The semi-attachment I have to the term "Um Manaf"</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">...all gone? With a simple shake of the head? </span><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">Can I be both Um Manaf and Um Soon-to-be-Decided? This is not a question anyone can answer lightly...and so I think it would be wise for me to go have a cupcake while I debate something so philosophical and deep. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);font-size:85%;" ><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">ps - I might be a while as there are several other deep questions I must answer...such as vanilla or red velvet ... or possibly both? </span></span>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-53093541623578284532010-02-20T13:01:00.003+03:002010-02-20T13:05:02.192+03:00Obama Wins the Nobel Peace Prize<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" 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mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">As some of you might know, in 2009 the Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to America’s 44<sup>th</sup> president Barack Obama. He now joins a long list of the world’s greatest contributors to the humanitarian welfare of our planet. Is this award well deserved you may ask? Let’s see…Martin Luther King Jr. led hundreds of discriminated-against African Americans in marches against abuse resorting only to peaceful singing when they got beaten down… he also cleverly crafted what could be considered the most famous speech in the world (although hardly anyone knows the words past “I have a dream…), and finally got shot in the head for his efforts. Gandhi marched for miles convincing a population of people who considered eating a sacred act only second to reaching Nirvana to starve themselves, eventually driving the British out of his country…and he wasn’t afraid to do it all while wearing a diaper. </span><span style=";font-size:130%;" > </span><span style="font-size:130%;">He too eventually got shot in the head. </span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">While Gandhi didn’t receive a Nobel Peace prize for his efforts, he certainly deserved it much more than Obama. But let’s not judge the President of the Free Nation so quickly, after all he has done his fair share for mankind. For example he prevented the likes of Hilary Clinton and Sarah Palin from entering the white house, thus relieving the entire world of an exaggerating egotistical pathological liar with dictator tendencies and an extremely confused little girl who really didn’t know where she was or what she was doing. Obama also took Oprah along on his presidential campaign finally proving to the world that Oprah really did have more power than the President of the United States. Finally, Obama, in a slightly less memorable speech than King Jr’s, tells the world that he wants ….wait for it….peace in the Middle East. </span></p> <p style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">I too want “peace in the Middle East”. Now where can I pick up my Nobel Peace Prize?</span> </span></p> Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-11288966383831153922010-02-18T22:33:00.001+03:002010-02-18T22:56:52.069+03:00Coffee Republic<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHExupx2EBUdyLoegfV6xzNjGC6ovqoW_cVWhl_hwIBaeO2YusW_lO-qUu4_vLtSL9XUDaVlptIh7ZhSIeZbuh_k9ZsNgrfuD6BTxRDn5LUoF9BB5uK5gcQO6Da3ulDWmJJnafY6dRvnI/s1600-h/untitled1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 239px; height: 170px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHExupx2EBUdyLoegfV6xzNjGC6ovqoW_cVWhl_hwIBaeO2YusW_lO-qUu4_vLtSL9XUDaVlptIh7ZhSIeZbuh_k9ZsNgrfuD6BTxRDn5LUoF9BB5uK5gcQO6Da3ulDWmJJnafY6dRvnI/s320/untitled1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5439674767849483426" border="0" /></a>
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</w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:"Cambria Math"; panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:1; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-format:other; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:0 0 0 0 0 0;} @font-face {font-family:Calibri; panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:swiss; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-1610611985 1073750139 0 0 159 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-unhide:no; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; margin-top:0in; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:10.0pt; margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times 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mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: lucida grande; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">While I am not a fan of the overly “Gaz” hangout Coffee Republic in Free Zone, I found myself accompanying some of my friends there recently. From the moment I walked through the grassy lawn I recognized everyone there. It was as if the entire AUK population signed a secret contract with the coffee shop to serve them and them alone; and I get the immediate sensation that I’m missing my notebook and that I should be rushing to a lecture somewhere but I remind myself that I am not on campus. The first thing I notice when I walk up to the counter to place my order is the six different employees crushed up against each other in the narrow space behind the cash register. I wonder why they need that many workers for such a small space. I only needed to place my order for my question to be answered. </span></p> <p style="font-family: lucida grande; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">I tell the first worker what I want, a caffe latte with a slice of cheesecake. She turns to the worker next to her as if I’d asked her to list the latest discoveries in the field of quantum physics. To her misfortune the worker next to her was not much brighter than she and required the assistance of the man next to him. I now have half the Coffee Republic team working on my order. Once the difficult task of deciphering my almost-impossible order of milk and coffee with a slice of cheesecake was finally complete the lady behind the cash register informed me of the total of my order. I take out a twenty and place it on the counter then spend the next eight minutes watching the second half of the Coffee Republic team join the first half in figuring out how much change I should receive. </span></p> <p style="font-family: lucida grande; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">The answer was 17 KD. </span></p> <p style="font-family: lucida grande; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">Finally with my drink and cheesecake in hand we head to a corner table outside and take a seat. And we stare at those around us while they stare at us. And then some more staring. And finally, just while I think that no more staring could be done…everyone stares some more. </span></p> <p style="font-family: lucida grande; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">After consuming my rubber-tire tasting cheesecake (and trust me I am insulting rubber-tire when I say this) we get up and head home. But don’t think for one second that we did not stare as we drove off. </span></p> Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-58434193338022713102010-02-01T14:59:00.003+03:002010-02-01T15:29:37.407+03:00Atlantis<span style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-size:130%;" >Okay so Rome is out of the picture for now <span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" >(adry bechait dam bes ma nefa3..)</span> fa shakelna heading to Dubai, awal shay i was depressed bes teshaja3t shwaya yoom sheft e9war elfindiq, i've been to dubai a couple of times bes wela mara sekant ib Atlantis o ebnig3ad bil room eli underwater fa it looks interesting. </span> <div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:arial;" >So here's what I plan to do while i'm there:</span></span><br /></div><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-size:130%;" > <span style="font-family:arial;">1. Aby arkab hot air balloon!! Aby ashoof shakel el sky when i'm up there, the land down below me from such a high place, o my hubby passed out on the floor of the balloon due to his fear of heights. Wanasa!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">2. Basba7 weya dolphins! El9ara7a ma buga a7ad ib hal deera ma7a6 9oorta wihwa posing yam a dolphin wela riding it </span></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;">(insert perverted laughter)</span></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:arial;" > <span style="font-size:130%;">wela kissing it fa laish ana maykoon 3indi 9oora ba3ad? Aby a pose with the dolphin jumping up from the water wana holding on to its fin o flying with it....then the fin tears off and the pool turns red with blood. Olla gruesome.</span> </span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;">(6ala3 Um Manaf has a dark side wana madry).</span></span> <span style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-size:130%;" ><br />3. Shopping 6ab3aaaaaaaaaan...wa3alaya 3al zooj 3abala since he's not taking me to Rome he's off the hook with the shopping ...<br /><br />4. Aby aroo7 show, 7asafa chan zain Axis of Evil mawjoodeen aw 7abeebi Russel Peters! Fe Nickelback concert bes ma atwaqa3 benla7eg...<br /><br />Yalla suggest things for me to do! </span>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-77236647813843827032010-01-28T12:46:00.002+03:002010-01-28T12:56:52.876+03:00Um Manaf Wants To Get Out of Here....<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 0, 153);font-size:130%;" >Is it just me or is this weather making everybody lazy? All I want to do is lie around and my body is always aching... a7es ini 3ayooz.<br /><br />Waray 3ers bacher...maly khelg. MALY KHELG! I hate weddings...I almost called in sick for my own wedding.<br /><br />Chinii....CHINIII baroo7 Roma soon... but it highly depends on whether the hibernating bear I like to call HUBBY manages to wake up.<br /><br />Aby a9eer more active... (but unfortunately just typing this post is wiping me out...my fingers are so over worked..)<br /><br />Baroo7 a6ali3 "Did You Hear About the Morgans?" o yemkin ajareb PF Changs bes ygooloon waiting list. Shlona elma63am? Wela bes chithi haba mithel Dean and Delucas o Napket o adopting african babies?<br /><br />I want to be taller, i'm not short el7imdila 6ooly zain, bes I want two more inches...no three! Shlon???? Lazim fe 7al! Oh, ka3ab..! Bes e3awerni ma7eb...so find me another 7al!<br /><br />Aby a5ith kick boxing classes with the hubby bes rafith...he says i'm too delicate for such a sport...la 6aal eb 3aini galy "maly khelg roo7ay broo7ich" ... So sad! Does he not know that I'll be using whatever I learn on him and that it would be in his best interest to come with me and learn how to defend himself? No more tears as weapons min elyoom o raye7! Instead I'll side-kick his face!<br /><br /><br /><br /></span>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-16566366039983122902010-01-20T22:16:00.002+03:002010-01-20T22:29:47.543+03:00Um Manaf Buys an Apocalypto<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(102, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Scene 1: </span><br /><br />Um Manaf tearfully stares at her body in the mirror<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">*No*</span> she gasps to herself, <span style="font-style: italic;">*it cannot be*...</span><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">(Dim lights, sound music)</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Um Manaf kicks her legs up in the air in a dance routine and begins running around the room</span><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">"Todddaayyy is the begiinnniiiinnnggg of the rest of myyyy lifffeee, a thinner body is where i'll strriiiivveee...a body thats thin tonnneeedd and leeeaaannn...thaats why i need an apocalypto machiinnneeee" </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:100%;" ><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">(Lights off, Um Manaf walks off stage)</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Scene 2: </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0); font-style: italic;">(At Go Sport in Avenues)</span></span><br /><br />Um Manaf: <span style="font-size:100%;">Excuse me sir, do you have an apocalypto machine?</span><br />Helper: <span style="font-size:100%;">uumm...an elliptical machine?</span><br />Um Manaf: <span style="font-size:100%;">is that the one that will make me look good....like Adriana Lima?</span><br />Helper: <span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">(looks Um Manaf up and down)</span> if you try reallly hard...for long time ma'am...maybe..</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Scene 3: </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0); font-style: italic;font-size:100%;" >At home, hubby is trying to put machine together. Hubby cuts hand, bleeds, storms out. Um Manaf hugs machine hoping that the sheer nearness of it will start burning her extra calories.</span><br /><br />Um Manaf: <span style="font-size:100%;">NO! I WONT GIVE UP!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0); font-style: italic;">(and she begins to work! In goes one screw...out it goes again....wrong screw! In goes a new screw...out it goes again...no wait in it goes...oh yes it's the right one...)</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Scene 4: </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:100%;" ><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">1.5 hours later machine is up and running! Um Manaf steps on it and turns on the screen ZERO CALORIES BURNT it reads. Smiling to herself Um Manaf prepares herself to start working out..</span></span><br /><br />Um Manaf: <span style="font-size:100%;">I WONT SLEEP TIL I'VE BURNT 1000 CALORIES TONIGHT<br /></span><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">3.7 minutes later...</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Um Manaf wobbles off the machine and into bedroom. Goodnight. </span></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">*wobble wobble* </span>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-74576564285935773162010-01-18T23:41:00.004+03:002010-01-18T23:55:38.633+03:00Um Manaf Pretends She's Done With Finals<span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >For one night only...for a few comforting hours...I shall pretend that I, Um Manaf, do not have something called "finals".<br /><br />Okay el9ara7a who am I kidding its not like I was even studying in the first place. While people's phone statuses were "finals" or "7 days left" ... my status was .. well blank beacuse I was too busy being lazy and roaming the streets of K-Town to bother posting shay.<br /><br />Who was my lovely accomplice you might ask? Aside from the 3gaidi in the 3gaidier mustang who kept mouthing out his number whilst pouting seductively our way..my lovely friend M.<br /><br />Now.. while my husband sits in the living room working hard on some mathematical equation that in my opinion looks like it was written in a mixture of Japanese and old cave-men paintings..I sit in my room with Abu Baker on really loudly in order to give the illusion that i am "partying" while he is working.<br /><br />Yes...I am 7aqeera like that.<br /><br />La La taboon el9ij abeeh eyey yeg3ad 3indi fa i have to make it seem like i'm in the "fun room" ... i've considered scattering popcorn all the way from the 9ala to the bedroom bes we all know who's going to end up cleaning that :( ..<br /><br />Enzain yalla baroo7 a6ali3 the new Desperate Housewives episode..I know half of you reading this post are taking a so called "break" from your studying to to all of you i say "HAH...guess who doesn't have finals to worry about?! Um Manaf..that's who!" </span><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:100%;" ><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0); font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:100%;" >ps: a7ad e3aref du3a2 qawii for people who might possibly end up failing this semester?? my uh "friend" could really use it. </span>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-48573966921528166112010-01-16T14:40:00.004+03:002010-01-16T15:05:23.973+03:00Mako Salfa..<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Ma3indi shay to write about.. fa bakharbi6 shwaya</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >- 3indi wayed work to do for finals o ma sawait shay.</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >- O maly khelg asawi shay</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >- Oo wedi a7ad esawee el shighel 3ani</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >- Or wedi e9eerli khelg to do el shighel</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >- I've decided its time for Um Manaf to have her battle with perscription-drug addiction. I'm starting with panadol night o this herbal "calming" thing eli ekhaly my left arm go numb...</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >- It doesn't make me calm tho.. in fact i'm the opposite of calm</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >- 9ayra a7alim ini ga3d at'hawash weya zoji wagoom im3a9ba o china 9ij met'hawsheen</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >- 9ayra hal ayam i stay up in bed o have deep meaningful conversations with myself. 3an life...o love...o religion.</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >- Its so sad ina its with myself</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >- In fact...after spending so much time with myself la7atht shay</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >- i'm boring</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >- Malait min shakh9eeti</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >- Malait min shakli</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >- Malait min sha3ry</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >- Malait min esmii</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >- Subconciously stressed?</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >- Split personality disorder?</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >- I tried going on a shopping spree + dying my hair...it didn't work</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Aby at3araf 3ala someone new (not a guy! Don't freak out faj2a alga fwds "um manaf cheats on husband".. laa ya naas manaby hal kharabee6) .. What I mean is a new interesting friend. Someone I can learn stuff from. Fe a7ad minkom interesting enough?</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Yalla I'm proposing plan <span style="font-weight: bold;">"How Um Manaf Got Her Groove Back..."</span></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Here are the guidelines:</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">1. </span>Anyone interested in helping me get my groove back email me at <span style="font-style: italic;">um.manaf@gmail.com</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2.</span> You must be interesting<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">3.</span> You must like food, a lot of my conversations revolve around food<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">4. </span>You must completely and totally worship me, the ground i walk on, and the golden drenched words I speak....even if they</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" > are about what flavor ice-cream i'm about to devour first vanilla or strawberry cheesecake<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">5.</span> You must be able to undo all the mental and emotional damage that I've been through in the past 21.8 years.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">6.</span> Okh I just got an idea...et'hagoon vanilla ice cream wya redbull ye6la3 7elo?<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">7.</span> Yalla baroo7 ajareb 3ala ma you email me...if i don't reply to your emails please call 911 and tell them ina i probably poisoned myself bel ghala6<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">8.</span> or took too many of my "calm.." pills and my left arm has fallen off<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">9. </span>And yes i did mean 911 because lets face it even if they came by boat across all seven oceans and took a mini 2 week vacation in thailand before arriving at my house...they'd still be here faster than 777 (or 112 ...mako farg el9ara7a it's not like they'll answer 112 either) </span><br /></span>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-73791709677036739582010-01-05T16:03:00.003+03:002010-01-05T16:23:29.483+03:00The Mysterious Cousin From Abroad<span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >So I'm sitting at home getting ready to work on my essay (khala9t 53 words out of 2,500, btw so it's going great..) when my phone rings and it's mother dearest: </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Mama:</span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" > Aloo..goomay badlay o ta3alay weld 3amich FLAN AL FLANI is coming over. </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 102, 204);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >FLAN AL FLANI </span><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >= a cousin who i've never met and have rarely heard about who's been living abroad for the past 12 years. </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Um Manaf:</span> Enzain? shako ana ayey?</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Mama:</span> La goomay o ta3alay salmay! O lebsay 3adil <span style="font-style: italic;">(Translation: besich jeans o uggs o please for the love of God saway shay ib sha3rich cuz it's scaring the kids) </span></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153); font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Asaker el teliphone minha wadeg 3ala my sister: </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Um Manaf:</span> ..maly khelg ayey</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Sister: </span>Adry ham ana! She threatened me Um Manaf...she said she'll kill me if I don't make polite conversation. Kill me.. as in dead..as in ..bye bye. </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Um Manaf:</span> I wonder shyayba back after all these years</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Sister:</span> I know...I wonder shimwadeeh hnaak for all these years a9lan</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Um Manaf: </span>Maybe metzawej wa7da hnaak..</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Sister:</span> ..yeahh...or maybe he's running away from something here..</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Um Manaf:</span> Or maybe he's gay?</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Sister:</span> And he has a lover...</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Um Manaf: </span>Called Paulo...</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Sister:</span> ...Or Raul..</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Um Manaf: </span>Yeah..kinda makes sense..</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Sister:</span> I know..</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Um Manaf hangs up from Sister and calls mama 3ala6ool to tell her the juicy gossip that she and Sister had just figured out..</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Um Manaf: </span>Aloo Mama, don't you think it's kind of weird that he's been there for so long? .. Me and Sister were just talking about it and..</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Mama:</span> What's weird about it? He finished jam3a and now works bil sefara...why what did you think he was doing there?</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Um Manaf:</span> umm..........gotta go bye! </span>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-91701473962152014442009-12-31T12:26:00.003+03:002009-12-31T13:02:58.055+03:00Um Manaf's Anger Management Theory<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-size:130%;" >Firstly, shakliyan I look like the calmest person in the world. My face kella innocence and biroood...bes in reality, I swear like a sailor, punch things I don't like, and get annoyed at pretty much everything. </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-size:130%;" >So ams as I tossed and turned in bed, once again angry at a certain human being who has the same level of intelligence as a newly born retarded monkey, I thought of a new way to release my anger. </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-size:130%;" >Here is the fool-proof </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >Um Manaf Anger Management Theory</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-size:130%;" >, guaranteed to calm you down in any situation: </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >Step 1:</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-size:130%;" > Enter the nearest empty room and start swearing out loud at the person. Do not limit yourself to one language as it has been scientifically proven that a swear word repeated in more than one language is more effective. In case you run out of swear words feel free to create some of your own. </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >Step 2:</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span>Find the nearest wall, face it, and press your forehead against it as you slide down to your knees screaming <span style="font-weight: bold;">"DEAR GOD, WHYYY!!" </span>Once you are on your knees, dramatically smack the wall with your hands. If you hurt your hand, pretend your fine and move on. There's no room for sissy's in Um Manaf's Anger Management Theory. </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >Step 3: </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-size:130%;" >Grab your shoes and storm out, once your in your car speed down El-Khaleej and take your anger out on the road like a man! (</span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-size:130%;" >Note: The last thing you want when your upset is a speeding ticket so refrain from driving more than 60km/h, and instead make engine sounds with your mouth and imagine your driving 200km/h. If you find yourself in need of making a turn...don't signal until the last possible second..let people know who's boss! Oh and don't forget to make tag7ee9 sounds as you turn.)</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Step 4:</span> </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-size:130%;" >Call the person your angry at and laugh hysterically. When they hang up call back and cry. </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >Step 5:</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-size:130%;" > In case the anger gets too unbearable and you start considering suicide please be creative about how you choose to leave this world. Here are a few suggestions:</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><ul style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Drink 17 Redbull's consecutively and try to out-run cars in the street.<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Try jumping from roof to roof Spiderman-style in 9 inch heels, men should wear dishdasha's for this one. (Don't forget to flick your wrists while you jump).<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Watch Benjamin Button from beginning to end.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Scratch that...just watch the first 30 mins of Benjamin Button anything more than that constitutes as Cruel and Unusual Punishment.<br /></span></li><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span></ul><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-size:130%;" ><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><br />ps: yalla baroo7 asawii my essay.. i've successfully finished 20 words out of 2,500... well actually 15 words if you don't count my name and date...and 11 words if you don't count the title.<br />pps: love u ! </span></span>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-84245072728505074862009-12-29T19:41:00.004+03:002009-12-29T20:01:24.295+03:00GUESSS WHO'S BACK BITCHES!<span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">As I sit in my new home .. watching 17 Again...again. My lovely sister bbm's me and tell me she's going through my old posts and told me how (quote) "hilarious" (unquote) I was, and so for old times sake I decided to browse through the posts of the person that once was. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">And as I read post after post...I realized something <span style="font-size:180%;">VERY</span> important. I really am hilarious!! I mean, how inconsiderate would it be of me to deprive the world of Um Manaf?? It would be cruel! I mean, if we were to measure it against recent world events, Um Manaf leaving the blogging world would undoubtedly be right up there with the horrible acts of Hitler, the tragedy of AIDS in Africa, and the recent battle of Qadsiya vs. Kathma!<br /></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">But I must warn you, I am a married woman and a lot has changed over the past few months and for some of you who have come to know the old Um Manaf, it might be hard for you to accept the person I've become now. But give it some time and you will see the old Um Manaf inside somewhere...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">Before I leave let me introduce you to some of the changes that have happened to Um Manaf over the past few months that have changed her from the person she once was to the person she is today: </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">1. Her hair has become a shade and a half lighter and two inches longer. </span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">2. I've moved out of my family's house and into my husband's house...across the street. </span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">3. I now like the sugar-less cornflakes as opposed to the Frosties one. </span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">4. I changed my blackberry cover from black to maroon. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">I know... a lot has changed. But don't judge the new Um Manaf too quickly. Give it time and you'll see there's still some of the old me inside. </span><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-size:85%;" ><br />Love you wayed wayed waaaaayed and I missed the hell outta ya ;* </span>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-61306372599608942102009-08-31T00:22:00.002+03:002009-08-31T00:24:13.362+03:00New Online Fashion Boutique<span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">Da3aya sareee3a min ekhit'kom el me5taaafya:</span></span><br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit1uFrKg2fLkydZ97YYMkTqUFhQT4LeTAfY59gQt7NyD_MIVWyd9fI6tUELzTVfl0j09uEwSPSu0dSrA3Iiha4yLBYQCKJ0TCwuJLS0qu6HUynBSSR4pqD0dsGVw-ULIGxAJlfN2TWGRo/s1600-h/Shabby+Logo.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 101px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit1uFrKg2fLkydZ97YYMkTqUFhQT4LeTAfY59gQt7NyD_MIVWyd9fI6tUELzTVfl0j09uEwSPSu0dSrA3Iiha4yLBYQCKJ0TCwuJLS0qu6HUynBSSR4pqD0dsGVw-ULIGxAJlfN2TWGRo/s200/Shabby+Logo.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5375870553189614594" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-weight: bold;">www.shabby-chique.com </span></span><br /></div>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-71733335701660978302009-07-26T11:50:00.003+03:002009-07-26T12:06:00.073+03:00IM BAAAAACK!!<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-family:arial;" >Astahal kaaf 9a7? kafaaain? 3ashra?</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-family:arial;" >Latloomooni ya nas....!! I was overly stressed out by all the tough decisions I have to make in my life :( ... you understand right?</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-family:arial;" >Yah okay that was bullshit, kent lahya weya el 7abeeeb o el 6al3at o el summer course! But i'm back now...with lots and lots and lots of stories to tell you!</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-family:arial;" >Mathalan let me tell you about the top three phrases your going to hear when you're engaged:</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-family:arial;" >1. "shlonich ma3a el tajheez?" okay ya nas..what is this "tajheez" they speak about. Even my mother goes on and on for hours about "alllll the things we need to do to get you ready". So I did some research and basically this is how a bride gets ready: She heads to the nearest spa and asks for the chocolate treatment, which basically means that they're going to rub overpriced, melted chocolate that they probably bought from the baqala next door, all over your body, and then...wait for it....they wash it off! Wow! Boy, do I feel like a bride now :) ..</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-family:arial;" >Then...the hair...a mixture of kitchen leftovers including garlic, olive oil, mayonaise, mustard, Kiri cheese, and whatever the people at the salon had for lunch the day before...all mixed together in a healthy hair mask to be left in for 45 mins...</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-family:arial;" >2. "ga3da etsaween rejeem?" ok... 3indi karsha...im more "full" than fat...i've learnt to live with it and to accept it...shouldn't the rest of the Kuwaiti population begin to do the same? </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-family:arial;" >3. "Ubay mayloog 3alaich metzawja" ... I honestly have no comment for that one...apparently i'm not the marrying "type.." ... after all i'm only a typical 21 year old kuwaiti..that's hardly the marriage "type" in Kuwait.. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-family:arial;" >..will be back soon with stories ..</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);font-family:arial;" >love love loooooooove you guys wayed! </span>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-65023352997634935422009-05-19T11:55:00.002+03:002009-05-19T12:00:02.863+03:00good news, bad news<span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 102);">awal shay, 7ag kel ili es2alaw 3ani thank you...i love you!</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 102);">adry mekhtafya o you're all wondering why so i'm about to tell you...</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 102);">taboon il good news awal wela el bad?</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 102);">khal agoolikom el goood awal.....tathkiroon that theory that some of you bloggers had ili kel new blogger faj2a tenkhi6ib. atwaqa3 its true lol ... lana.... guess who's getting marrieddddddd...</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 102);font-size:180%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">UM MANAAAAF </span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 102);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;">(adry adryy...allah y3eena el maskeen ili ebya5ith'ha 9a7??) </span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 102);">on to the bad news...barja3 to the blogging world...bes mu mithel gabel :( ma3indi wayed wagt right now bes wala i'll do my best. </span><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 102);">ps; don't ask me about the wedding i'll have a nervous breakdown ;\ </span></span>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-52511448255815147682009-05-05T21:16:00.004+03:002009-05-05T22:15:57.376+03:00Missed Me?<span style="font-family: arial;">gelt batghalaaaa o bashoooof shetsawooon bes ektishaaaft ini i'm not loved! </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">Tewaqa3t billboards lekwait kelha ebyinkitib 3alaihom "WAINICH YA UM MANAF" ... Adawer ib hal siyayeeer 7ag sticker WA7D maktoob 3alaih "We miss you Um Manooof" ... da3aaaya bil jareeeda...law akher 9af7a 7atan..maktoob feeeeha "rej3eeeelna ya Um Manaf". Bes laaaaaaaa2...ma astahal ana. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">kubar raaaskom ha? ..... Maaashy ya ahal il blogosphere...ana awareeeekom! </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: arial;">(</span><span style="font-weight: bold; font-family: arial;">cue background music:</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: arial;">it's toooooooooooo late to apooooloooogizeeeeeee....it's tooooo laaaaaaaaaate...)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">---</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">- Okay on a more serious note ... I'm back. O 3indi likom khabar wayed 7azeeen. Atwaqa3 feeeni - Swine flu ("H1N1 flu" 7ag ili y7iboon yetfalsafoon)... o la2 ma akel khanazeer ana bes ajabelhom 6ool elyoom bil jam3a fa e7timal that's why. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">- Fe shay wayed mohim be9eeer on thursday bes et3arfoooni MAFEEENI 9ABER fa a7es il ayam mu ga3da tamshy! 7asa nafsi ib filim Ground Hog Day...! Hatha el shay ili ysamoona "patience" eb ay jam3eeya ebee3ooooooooooona?? </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: arial;font-size:130%;" >Yala meta y9eeer thursday?!<br /><br />Yalaaaaa...<br /><br />OLLLAAA lail7ean mu thursdaaaaay...!!!</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;font-size:78%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;">*Um Manaf throws herself onto her bed and cries ma9ri movie style* </span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">- I'm turning 21 soon....planning on going wild wiya my friends...going to pop open a bottle of Lemon Acetone and party til 10:25pm at Club Chocolate Bar Bidi3.. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Girls Gone Wild Kuwait Edition!</span><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: arial;"></span><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">ps: a7ebkom tadrooon 9a7? :* </span>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-88373672011148415942009-04-29T09:24:00.003+03:002009-04-29T09:28:57.799+03:00Sad News..<span style="font-weight: bold; font-family: verdana;">I've been exposed.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-family: verdana;">Weli fetha7ni decided to not only put my name bes to put my mobile number as well.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-family: verdana;">La weli akthar min chithy ba3ad is that they posted it bil share3 for everyone to see.</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-szukKMbqCDNCBdU7EPdqjkDhQzVyyhqeeGNxoeYcma8UpK7cPny8to_MbDDoCc3_M15-MiUALdAPvR34YKiia5_Oxjxr2kpyA9rzrWUBo0QSkAWDhS9hLxix6alnj_7Z0sTSTUMepKc/s1600-h/Um+Manaf.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 278px; height: 208px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-szukKMbqCDNCBdU7EPdqjkDhQzVyyhqeeGNxoeYcma8UpK7cPny8to_MbDDoCc3_M15-MiUALdAPvR34YKiia5_Oxjxr2kpyA9rzrWUBo0QSkAWDhS9hLxix6alnj_7Z0sTSTUMepKc/s200/Um+Manaf.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5329996047111813634" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-family: verdana;">I'm so upset. </span><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">ps: thanks P.H for the pic ;* </span></span>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-24063279173393807892009-04-27T14:07:00.002+03:002009-04-27T15:04:06.407+03:00Unnecessary, Unimportant, and Uninteresting Facts About Um Manaf<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';">1. </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';">When I'm nervous or confused I talk to myself.</span></span><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';">"Laish sawaitay chithee Um Manaf?" ... "Al7ean shet'hagain be9eer?" ... "Inzain Um Manaf rakzay shway lazim fe 7al..." </span></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';">2.</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"> I'll be completely fine and calm before bungee jumping off the side of a mountain but i'll have a nervous breakdown when it's time to check my phone bill.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';">3.</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"> Kela shakli met'thayga. Adish il bait mistansa I just had the most amazing day of my life o my parents' reaction: </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';">"Shfeech? Bachya? Are you ok?" </span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';">4. </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';">I'm scared of the dark. I have never ever in my life slept in complete darkness. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';">5.</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"> When i'm in my car kelkom ili bara et9eroon BLUR lani asra7 wayed wana asoog...so if you're three cars down to the left and I passed you at 120km/h .. please don't call me and be like "ubay shda3wa ma shefteeeni". </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';">6.</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"> I crash into things a lot. Mostly walls, but I don't discriminate...i'll crash into chairs and desks as well. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';">7.</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"> I check CNN.COM three or four times a day..</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';">8.</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"> If I could be anywhere right now doing anything i'd be in Paris sipping hot chocolate on a roadside cafe in the rain. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';">9.</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"> I wake up everyday in the morning and pray that it rains. I love love looove thunderstorms. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';">10.</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande';"> I can't think of a #10...what do you guys want to know for the last one? </span></span></div>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-73632758787764285382009-04-24T16:17:00.004+03:002009-04-24T22:08:01.199+03:00Um Manaf Tries to Take it Like a Man...<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">So I walk into a store weya refeejti o we're the only ones there aside from a man and a woman. Now the man is young o the woman looks much older so I assume inhom mu ma3a ba3ath.<br /><br />Now, ana wa7da I think i'm "discreet" bes matelgoon louder than my voice. If ever you're in avenues o tesmi3oon wa7da muz3ija et-hather from like 20 stores down....it's probably me.<br /><br />So while i'm picking out clothes ashoof il mara et7i6 her hand lovingly on the man's arm and i say to myself "oh y3arfoon ba3ath" ... now if you're wondering why i'm looking at them and why i'm thinking about them, the answer is because ana Kuwaitiya wel ligafa ib dami.<br /><br />Then something even more weird happens, she gets a phone call and I hear her tell her mother that she's out shopping with "rayelha" so I turn to my friend and make an innocent comment "oh, 3abali ihya oma!".<br /><br />Now dear readers...I'm not mean. Walah el 3atheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeem ma kan qa9di to be mean. It was just a comment wana ma fakart gabel la I opened my mouth <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">(which is typical Um Manaf). </span><br style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><br />O 6ab3an mashalla 3ala my "hushed whisper" all of the eastern hemisphere esma3aw my comment 3an il woman!<br /><br />So as I get ready to leave the store I walk past her wela faj2a I get this shooting pain in my arm as she "accidently" elbows me and I go <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">fffllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyying</span></span> into agrab 6ooofa!<br /><br />Tathkiroon lama America invaded Iraq recently? O lama Saddam decided to try one last time to "destroy" Kuwait so he sent that 3ooya missile that hit the corner of souq sharq <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">(mind you, law he blew up lashkal ili ihnaak chan sawalna big favor)</span> bes anyway...the sound of that explosion? Exactly similar to the sound of me crashing into the wall!<br /><br />El mohim, in the end, my fault completely....I should have waited for her to leave il ma7al gabel la at7acha..so I took it like a man..dusted myself off, leaned on my friend and had her drag me out of the store.<br /></span>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-69143077002848973052009-04-20T20:41:00.004+03:002009-04-21T21:59:17.596+03:00Um Manaf's Cousin...The Police Officer<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">He walks into the room, head high, shoulder's broad, chest sticking out....my cousin...the brave officer. </span><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" ><br /><br />"Waaay ana ma anam elail min kither ma a7ateeeh"</span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"> his mom whines putting a hand dramatically across her forehead. We all nod in sympathy. Yes..he has a dangerous job...just the other day he was whisked away in an ambulance!</span> <span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br /><br />Would you like to hear the story? </span> <span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br /><br />Well..Brave Officer Cousin of Um Manaf...got a call informing him of a buggy collision ib one of the nearby mana6eq so he gets into his car and turns on those pretty blue and red lights o e6eeeeeeeeeeer to the scene of the crime. </span> <span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">When he gets there the boys who were illegally driving buggies around at top speed hit the road running and left the buggies on the sidewalk.<br /><br />So...action-movie style, my cousin takes off running after them. </span> <span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Seven minutes later my cousin gets out of breath and dizzy from the running and passes out. </span> <span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br />An ambulance arrives at the scene.<br /></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">My cousin is taken to the nearest hospital to be treated for Kuwaiti-Excess-Karsha disorder. </span> <br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Boys on buggy are nowhere to be found.</span><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">My cousin...the brave police officer. </span>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-4145596566791143632009-04-20T12:55:00.002+03:002009-04-20T13:14:10.095+03:00Um Manaf's Amazing Subconscious!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">Lets rewind a bit to 9 days ago when one of my professors informed me that I would be giving a well structured, informative, extremely long, persuasive speech. </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">Now let's breeze through the passing 9 days while I procrastinated, re-prioritized, and wasted my time away and pause at the night before the speech was due. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">Yes I'm nervous, and I haven't prepared anything, and for some reason every time I try to think of a topic my brain blanks on me. So I do what any hardworking, mature student would do....I slept. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">My brain however had other plans...the minute I dozed off and entered Um Manaf's Lovely La-La Land <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(where I own the whole world and everyone's dreams are to serve me and make me happy)</span></span> my brain turned on and grabbed a piece of paper and pen <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(yes my brain has hands)</span></span> and sat down at a desk <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(and yes it has an ass as well..)</span></span>.. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">My brain starts at the top of the page by writing down the topic I'll be speaking about then goes about making structured notes of what I'll be saying first, second, third, and last. At one point, my brain actually got up to use a dictionary after forgetting how to spell a word. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">When all was done, grinning broadly, my brain joined my body in La-La Land. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">The next morning I awake, remembering vividly my dream. Could it be? Do I actually have my speech prepared? Shocked I quickly recite my dream in my head and holy crap it's an actual speech! </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">At this point even I am shocked at the geniusness that is Um Manaf's brain but I decide not to jinx myself so I say Mashallah a couple of times and change quickly to head to my class and impress the hell out of my professor. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">As I near my university, with a cocky grin on my face as I repeat the speech one last time in my head, my phone rings. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">Friend:</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"> Goooooodmorning! We're at Prime and Toast having pancakes...you coming?"</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">I swerve, nearly killing myself, three others, and a small palm tree, to make it to the nearest u-turn and make my way to Prime and Toast. There, smugly, amidst a plate of warm pancakes, I tell my friends how smart my brain is and recite to them the speech that I should have passed but failed <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(for lack of showing up)</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">Now dear readers, you must be wondering why rational, responsible Um Manaf would do something so careless and stupid right? </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">Well I did what I did ... simply because......<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">I CAN</span></span>. </span></div>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-60626341834183757702009-04-17T11:50:00.002+03:002009-04-17T11:55:06.878+03:00Um Manaf's Plans for the Day<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 102);">tathkiroon eb filim </span><span style="font-weight: bold; font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 102);">Pearl Harbor</span><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 102);"> il scene where el ba6al erakeb il ba6ala the plane then i6ee7 3alaihom the General so they run into the warehouse ili kela white curtains o ehya tarkith o ihwa yarkith waraha? </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 102);">Ba3dain he kisses her?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 102);">Tathkiroon? </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; color: rgb(51, 102, 102);">Enzain, et-hagoon etha 3alagt sharashif beeeth ib 7oshna o ga3adt arkith bainhom ye6la3li wa7ed methla waray? </span></span>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-54925001597574098242009-04-15T11:33:00.003+03:002009-04-15T11:59:09.568+03:00Sudoku<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Sudoku</span>... a Japanese word for "brain-wrestling for the social-life-impaired". </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Sudoku</span>...the government's way of distracting us while they run about waging fake wars with fake enemies over fake reasons.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Sudoku</span>...a form of torture popular during the medieval times.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Sudoku</span>...a tool used to create self appreciation among math geeks who have no other means of attaining self-respect.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Sudoku</span>...a myth <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(along with Global Warming, The Holocaust, and the Bush Administration).</span> </span></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Sudoku</span>...an insult to all of us.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8662434040855553930.post-57235492232220647352009-04-14T14:29:00.002+03:002009-04-14T14:39:53.144+03:00Um Manaf Goes Shopping<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">Now we all know ina Um Manaf lately wayed 9ayra etroo7 "running" o "jogging" o sometimes when she's really tired "crawling" so i'm hoping that what I'm about to tell you won't give you a heart attack. </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">Considering the fact that I don't intend on stopping anytime soon my friends have told me that I have to put aside my tracks and invest in some ...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">stretchy pants. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">Eli weda y3aleq ykhali9ni wegool ili 3inda al7ean. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">--</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">ps: I think its a good idea lana it'll make me run super fast 3ashan ma7ad eshoofni. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">pps: adry ga3d agi9 3ala 3omri..</span></span></div><div><br /></div>Um-Manafhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08286517613603621061noreply@blogger.com10