Monday, January 19, 2009

Driving 3al Khaleej: A Male Guide

I dedicate this post to all the guys who drive 3al khaleej.

The “She’s Not Into You” Manual

Dear Kuwaiti (or Khaleeji visiting Kuwait) guy, have you ever found yourselves in the presence of a beautiful girl in the car next to you? Do you often find yourselves getting mixed signals from her? Are you sometimes confused as to whether she wants you or not? Well this manual is here to clear up any confusion you might have!

Here are the “sure-fire” signs that indicate when a girl is not into you:

1. She doesn’t look at you. At all. Not even once. Not even a hint of a glance in your direction. Please do not hallucinate that she is looking at you and making “come hither” signs with her lips and eyes. She is not. Please do not assume that by ignoring you she is playing hard to get. I repeat, SHE IS NOT.

2. When she speeds up. She is not initiating a race between you and herself; instead she is breaking the law and risking her life to get as far away as possible from you. Do not drive faster and follow her, as it will only make her accelerate. If she ends up crashing into another car, flipping over, rolling into the other lane, getting hit by three more passing cars, and then finds herself stuck in a burning vehicle, trust me it will be worth it, because that means she has finally gotten away from you.

3. She begins to cry. These are not tears of joy; they are either tears of fear or disgust. At this point it is best to avoid her. Don't even attempt to apologize. Just drive off and the faster the better.

4. She begins dialing while staring at you menacingly; this usually happens after you have trailed her for a minimum of 45 minutes and she has finally entered her residential area. She is now either dialing her father’s number or her older brother, in both cases, you are in trouble. She is now praying that her sibling/parent will instill so much pain into your body that you cannot walk for a year; this is a sure sign that she is not looking for a serious relationship.

5. She presents her middle finger. This is not an act of love or a flirtatious signal; do not interpret it as one.

Now that you have a clear idea of when a girl is not into you, please keep an open eye for the signs and don’t waste your time on any girl that is presenting them. If you look close enough, maybe just maybe you will find that one girl who WILL give you a “thumbs up signal” in which you are welcome to follow her and park at either the “Ba6reek” parking lot or the back side of the “chilies parking lot” and provide her with one of your several phone numbers.

And remember gentlemen, you too deserve love. Just not from people who have a life.

34 comments:

Diablo said...

inzaine intay mu tgouleeen ina sa3at il girl tgoul NO bas she means YES :P ..

Momken twath7eeen 7ag i5waaana ile 3indihom wayid banzeen 7ag mla7ag banat 5alg alah when they might make a move :P ??...

oo mumken su2al :P ??.. itha fee bint t5iz wa7id shino ma3naat-ha :P ???

Um-Manaf said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Um-Manaf said...

Diablo: Basically, if she doesnt give him her number in the first 45 mins ... SHE'S NOT PLANNING ON GIVING IT AT ALL :p fehmaaaaw...

wetha el bint khazat..yemkin il maskeena emshabhitik eb ekhooha wela weld 3amha..give her a minute, she'll realize her mistake...and drive away :)

Um Mit3ib said...

brilliant


w #1 SIIIJ !!!! ya3ne law bs iltifatna mara w shifnak (coz balaghat shaf ya3ne) and then WE STOP LOOKING! and we ignore w kil hatha.. how in the world did u feel iny abeek etraqemny?

Um-Manaf said...

Um Mit3ib: ashkurich ;* ... wedi mara anzilihom wasawii survey lol afham shlon efakroon bes khofich they misunderstand that as me trying to sleep with them

tigerlilly said...

hahaha I loved this wayid! 7ada brilliant. now if only there was a way to broadcast it so they all get the memo...

"And remember gentlemen, you too deserve love. Just not from people who have a life." LOL I LOVE!

Diablo said...

witha thalat t5iz cham mara ?

Um-Manaf said...

Diablo: present her with ur number ONCE ... etha ma khathita..ma3nata de3la fa dont waste ur time ;p ..

Um-Manaf said...

tigerlilly: thank you dear ;* haha i'm glad you enjoyed it

Chip'n'Dale said...

haha i loved this! you should send this as a forward or get it printed in some newspaper/mag im totally serious! they need to get the damn message.

ĐǻñĎõøðñ said...

lol ;)

i can relate to this sooo much! ;)

http://ble5.blogspot.com/2009/01/iffff-wla-mo-iffff.html

sexy_sour_sweet said...

Um-Manaf;* I love your attitude;***!! You're wow!!
and lets just say i agree O.o

zuz said...

3amik a9ma5! etha betla3le3en mn elyom le bacher mara7 eyozon

Lost b2amreeka. said...

LOL um manaf this post = love.

as simple as that.

love kitabtich and I totally agree with chip n dale!!

Zaina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Even Sweeter said...

LoooL Thank you so much!! i will translate ur post o a7e6a 3ala kill traffic light bil kuwait...Tadreen shino ile ekhare3 ina Rayal akbar min uboch isawelech chithi ;s!! Maskhara!

Queen Bee said...

I love, adore this post!
You know I get followed taghreeban everyday(: My house is on share3 il khaleej, its annoying, i hate where i live but love it at the same time!...I got used to it, and please add ina ma isekoun 3alaich il share3, i miss th u-turn 3ashanhum;@! One of my friend's past away cuz of a stupid guy following her, la ou in7ash il a5;@! He didn't even see if she's okay or not...GUYS GROW UP AND STOP FOLLOWING US! ou il wath3 i2aref when u talk to each other, do it privatly...la2na ili itra'3mounhum mafee ajkar mnhum (puff, and full make-uo style)! Sorry geragt wayed, but im really annoyed, and im working on sumthing 3ashan i76oun ghanoun for a guy to stop annoying a girl...IN AMERICA ITS CALLED ABUSING! you would go for jail, mo i7na liq8;\ il sher6i ighazlich

-Sorry geragt wayed..bs im annoyed

Queen Bee said...

*would go to jail

Diablo said...

as easy as that huh looool :P ?

OO DIFA3AN 3an ishabaaab !!!

ana agoul fee banat yit3amidoun they attract attention and then act like they dont want it OR its just to see how attractive they are ??..

Ya3ni i noticed halayam mu bas il guys hyata oo fraara .. 7ita il gals 9araw yhetoon oo yfarfiroon bishuware3 !!.. fa i think that the guys will assume that the girl WHATS something .. oo no offence .. bas most girls wait for a "FANCY car" to pull up and then take that appealing Look :D

P.S

Tara Fee mu5alafa isimha RAYI7 RAAD .. bas mu m6abqeenha :P lo y6abqoonha lifraara bishowari3 ti5tifey :P LOOL

Diablo said...

Wants** :D

Anonymous said...

HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
7ILWA



nice meeting you tonite

Um-Manaf said...

Chip'n'Dale: looool thank u .. ee i should et9adgeen

Dandoon: hahaha;** we all can lil 2asaf

Sexy_sour_sweet: thaaank you dear ;** entay il wow

Zuz: adry lil 2asaf :(

lost b-usa: thaaaank u 7ayaaati

Even Sweeter: ee PLEASE do so

Queen Bee: a7la shay il garga ya 7elwa entay ;* .. ee enshallah isawoon qanoon o ifikoona

Diablo: yuba etha bint 6al3a o tabyy attention mu ma3nata its ur DUTY to give her attention bil 6agag khal'ha etwalii...

Anony: thaaank you ... when did we meet?? lol

Um-Loai said...

Sooooooo

I've read/linked this to everyone I know.

More posts like this! IT'S HILARIOUS.

And so so so true

Music, Happiness, Love said...

loool
soo true!

Limited said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA OMG I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF AT THIS!! xD

this needs to be made into a short movie broadcast all over the gulf countries =P

Diablo said...

well .. its not me ;p ..

uho fe shabab mu shayfa 5air .. oo na6reen hal banat yi6li3on ..

Ya3ni there is a group from each party (Males and Females) that want that .. oo these are the ones you see roaming the streets ..

I respect your opinion .. bas you have to look at it from both sides then make a judgement about guys .. lana there are guys ma3indihom suwalif il ma95ara hathi oo il 7amdila iney one of them ..

Virgo said...

LMAO!!!!! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL 3ajeeeeeebaaa that is SO true guys tend to think ur into them when your not;p

Um-Manaf said...

Um Loai: thaaaank you o enshallah :D

M, H, L: eee 7ada 9a7 lol

Limited: yala make it into a broadcast and give me the credit ;p

Diablo: ana ma ga3d at7achaa 3an el jamee3 ana bes qa9di hathoooli ili QA9EB BERAQMOON 7atan law il bint ta7gerhom for over an hour o mateltifit 9oob'hom min il asas!

o 9aa7 fe banat mayesti7oon, bes el rayal bil kwait mu kel mara yerkab sayarta ylagi alf bint la7gita lai his destination et7awel etsaf6a ib ni9 il share3 o teg3ad et-tarek lain ten3imi o madry shino... we suffer a lot tara ib shakel YOWMI ..

bes ur right i dont mean this to every guy and i do admit ina fe girls that do it/encourage it ;p

Virgo: loooooool im glad u enjoyed it ;p

A Journal Entry said...

omg i wanna print this post into flyers and distribute them bil esharaaaat!!

Glitter said...

ABDA3TAY!
*Clapping her hands red*

.
.

Marrah wa7ed kan la7egny, shaklah mo2addab o khajo0l bs madry laish thal modda la7egny, akher shy nizal waray iljam3iya, chan oogaf, altefit 3alaih o I just asked him:
Okhoy law sema7t I just want to ask you a simple question..

Chennah il comment sar qessa :-/

Akhalleeh aktibah post a7san..

Anyways,
YEAH!
YOU GO GIRL!
TELL 'EM HOW IT IS!

*CLAPS AGAIN*

Um-Manaf said...

A Journal Entry: please do so! bes ham mara7 yefhimoon

Glitter: abaaay shadatni ur story chan etwagfeeenha????? yala post post ba3aref shino il so2al lol

Ruby Woo said...

mahma it3almeen feehom, maradhom bisawoon nafs il 7arakat hathi..

one of my fav posts btw ;p

Anonymous said...

mara killlish makan li khilg this is exactly what I did.
opened my window
"momkin ma til7agni ma3alaik amir"
wuhwa ga3id yi7awil yigool shay i cut him off and said,
"law sama7t momkin ma til7agni ma3alaik amir"
once again he tried to say something
i cut him off and said for the third time
"law sama7t sij"
to which he replied, completely embarrassed and shocked "haha, inshaaala, ana asif, bas sij mo3jab feech, ma3a il salama"

this literally took like what 30 seconds, problem solved.

I_L_EVIAN

DM said...

"She presents her middle finger. This is not an act of love or a flirtatious signal; do not interpret it as one."

LMAO @ "presents" her middle finger.