Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Um Manaf Buys an Apocalypto

Scene 1:

Um Manaf tearfully stares at her body in the mirror
*No* she gasps to herself, *it cannot be*...

(Dim lights, sound music)


Um Manaf kicks her legs up in the air in a dance routine and begins running around the room

"Todddaayyy is the begiinnniiiinnnggg of the rest of myyyy lifffeee, a thinner body is where i'll strriiiivveee...a body thats thin tonnneeedd and leeeaaannn...thaats why i need an apocalypto machiinnneeee"

(Lights off, Um Manaf walks off stage)

Scene 2:

(At Go Sport in Avenues)

Um Manaf: Excuse me sir, do you have an apocalypto machine?
Helper: uumm...an elliptical machine?
Um Manaf: is that the one that will make me look good....like Adriana Lima?
Helper: (looks Um Manaf up and down) if you try reallly hard...for long time ma'am...maybe..

Scene 3:

At home, hubby is trying to put machine together. Hubby cuts hand, bleeds, storms out. Um Manaf hugs machine hoping that the sheer nearness of it will start burning her extra calories.

Um Manaf: NO! I WONT GIVE UP!

(and she begins to work! In goes one screw...out it goes again....wrong screw! In goes a new screw...out it goes again...no wait in it goes...oh yes it's the right one...)

Scene 4:

1.5 hours later machine is up and running! Um Manaf steps on it and turns on the screen ZERO CALORIES BURNT it reads. Smiling to herself Um Manaf prepares herself to start working out..

Um Manaf: I WONT SLEEP TIL I'VE BURNT 1000 CALORIES TONIGHT

3.7 minutes later...

Um Manaf wobbles off the machine and into bedroom. Goodnight.
*wobble wobble*

8 comments:

Mishi6 ka7yan said...

3afyaa 3alaich ;P 5ala9 ana garart itkoneen intay my idol when i work out! ( la billah ma thi3afna ;$ )

tigerlilly said...

ew. exercise. :( sorry um manaf, we can't be BFFs anymore :(

Glitter said...

*Standing ovation while clapping my hands red*

:D

Sana H. said...

LOL that was funny to read, especially that I go through the same. I subscribe to a gym for three months, I only go for the first two weeks - and that's not even daily, ugh!

I hope you use the machine and get all slim!

http://thesletters.blogspot.com/

Um-Manaf said...

Mishi6 Ka7yan: LOOL! as your workout idol i encourage you to EMBRACE YOUR CURVES!

tigerlilly: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo :(

Glitter: *bow...bow...pulls a muscle, can't get up* stupid apocalypto machine it's tearing me apart!

Sana H: next time you decide to join a gym use the money to buy an apocalypto machine. Just please let the people from the store come put it together.

tigerlilly said...

Today I saw my mom exercising and I was like "what's that machine called?" and she's like "an elliptical, why?" so I told her this story and she diiiieeeed laughing hahaha. I think that means we can be BFFs again!

Um Loai said...

oh! I have one of theseeee! I always wobble off of it :(

DreamerGirl said...

LOL @ "wobble wobble".

Salamat, lol^^.

Although I should applaud you for setting up the machine itself =P